Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
