Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize