I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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