so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
