Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize