So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
