you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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