So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
