New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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