Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
