He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i need some magic done to my vagina
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
