Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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