I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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