Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
