WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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