brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
