she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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