i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The power of my boobs compel you
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
