Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
