Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pants are for mortals
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
