if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
