I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
