i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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