Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
