Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
