I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize