What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
