yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
