i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
