just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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