wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
