I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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