VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
