With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
