Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
