I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
