..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
