Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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