My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
