I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
