Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.

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(614): View more from Ohio

you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes

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(703): View more from Virginia

You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?

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(562): View more from California

I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.

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(917): View more from New York City

Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.

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(716): View more from New York

in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....

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