i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
