my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize