My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
