We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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