OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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