i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
