So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
