capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
