im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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