There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize