Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize