Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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