sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize