nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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