my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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