you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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