She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
