Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
