When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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