those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
