We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
